The good aunt’s legacy

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What is a good aunt’s legacy? What does a woman without children leave behind in the world?

One of the women I spoke with wants to make sure her American niece knew the Nancy the Spider (or Anansi) stories that she inherited from her African background. Another spoke of her struggle over not having somebody to pass material things down to, saying with a bit of relief, “That’s where my nieces come in.” Others spoke of the way they are teaching nieces and nephews to carry on other family traditions: baking together or learning to cook a family recipe, going on family vacations together, and passing on the stories of past generations.

For those of us without children who have family heirlooms and traditions we want to pass down, this issue of heirs can be something that weighs on our minds. What will be our legacy when we’re gone?

Elizabeth Gilbert writes:

In leaving no descendents, [sic] however, childless aunts do tend to
vanish from memory after a mere generation, quickly forgotten, their
lives as transitory as butterflies. But they are vital as they live, and they
can even be heroic. … Often able to accrue education and resources
precisely because they were childless, these women had enough spare
income and compassion to pay for livesaving operations, or to rescue
the family farm, or to take in a child whose mother had fallen gravely ill. (Committed, 192) Continue reading →

The beauty all around

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Those of you who have followed my blog for any length of time know that I’m an avid track and field fan, and so I’ve been pretty useless this week – an unusual couch potato-ness setting in thanks to the Olympics.

On Friday, in between the morning and afternoon sessions of track and field, I tore myself away from the TV and live Web streams to meet a friend at a nearby arboretum. The beauty that surrounded us as we walked and talked was breathtaking.

That beauty got me off the couch and out of the house yesterday – this time with camera in hand. So for today’s post, I’d like to share some images of the beauty I might have otherwise missed by spending too much time watching others run and throw and jump.

The grand promenade through the arboretum

Continue reading →

Somebody’s something

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I’m a newcomer to the BBC’s wildly popular Downton Abbey, and have worked my way through Season 1 and 2 on DVD. If you haven’t made it through season 2 yet, let this serve as your spoiler alert (but come back and read this post after you’ve caught up on the series).

Toward the end of Season 2, Lady Grantham receives a letter from her daughter Sybil with news that she’s expecting her first child. Lady Grantham is thrilled, but Lord Grantham is not, for the simple reason that he never approved of the marriage between his daughter Sybil and the household’s Irish chauffeur, Tom Branson. He threatens to disown Sybil because of her decision to marry someone outside of her class, but because he really does love her and is generally a decent chap, he softens his stance, and the marriage takes place.

Lord Grantham sounds resigned as he says that Sybil’s fate is sealed now that she’s pregnant, as if before her pregnancy, she could or would have undone her marriage to Tom. Lady Grantham’s response to him is that it wasn’t the pregnancy but the marriage itself that set Sybil’s life on its current course. (She further cements her place as one of my favorite characters by assuring Lord Grantham that she won’t be kept from her first grandchild simply because Sybil’s marriage doesn’t fit with conventions of the day.)

Lord Grantham isn’t alone in his thoughts that children are the cementing element of a marriage. The term “starter marriage” became popular in the late 1990s, and I remember some coworkers teasing a newlywed among us that she could have a starter marriage (as several of them had already had): a short marriage that ended in divorce and never produced children. How sad it is to me that there’s even a term for such a marriage and a prevailing attitude that the end of such a marriage can be taken lightly because it doesn’t matter as much as one that produced children. Continue reading →

Olympic-sized courage

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This week, I’ve been taking a closer look at the courage of Deborah, a prophetess who was one of the judges of Israel before they had kings to rule over them. Judges 4:5 tells us that she sat under the palm tree of Deborah, where the people of Israel sought her out to settle their disputes.

Deborah had the courage to take on a nontraditional career for a woman in a patriarchal society, and her faith and courage were contagious. When she told a man named Barak that God intended for him to lead the Israelites to victory against an oppressive king, Barak refused to go into the battle unless Deborah came with him. He needed her courage. While Barak lacked courage and complete trust in God’s message, Deborah fully believed, and her belief filled her with courage. Her courage to accompany Barak brought victory to Israel and peace for 40 years. (For more of their story, check out Judges 4-5.)

Modern day courage
Of course, I haven’t only been concentrating on Deborah’s story this week. The Olympic torch and anthem beckon, and though my beloved track and field events don’t start until Friday, I’m glued to the TV and internet more than usual these days.

I admire the competitors’ courage to compete on this global stage, their courage to transform their hopes and dreams and sacrifices into reality at these games, and their courage to face harsh questions if they fall short of their goals. Show of hands: How many of you would be brave enough to face the other end of Andrea Kremer’s microphone at the London Aquatics Centre?

The courage of professing faith
There’s another test of courage going on during the games, and that’s the courage of faith. Faith can be a deeply personal experience, and there are competitors who have a strong faith in God but who won’t display their faith openly. There are others, though, who feel called to put their faith story out in the open. Whether quiet or loud, competitors may find their faith tested at the Olympics.

Today, I’d like to share with you some stories of Olympians’ courageous faith as they give God the glory for their abilities and try to witness to an oftentimes skeptical public about the joy and peace their faith gives them, even if the gold medal doesn’t come their way. Continue reading →

How do you say “good aunt”?

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Pearls Before Swine is one of my favorite comic strips, and this past Saturday’s strip got me thinking about the different ways and reasons we say “aunt.” (Take a moment to read the strip and then come back).

Sociolinguistic differences
The way we say the word “aunt” depends in large part on where we grow up. Many of us (and I’m talking about the United States, primarily) pronounce it like the insect “ant.” There are others who say it like “ahnt” to rhyme with the way many of us say the word “daunt.” Others say it in a way that sounds almost like the word “ain’t.”

I found a cool map showing regional differences of how we say the word “aunt” that those of you who are word geeks (like me) might enjoy seeing.

Of the women I interviewed (all of whom have at least some connection with the southern United States), here’s the break down of how they say the word:

  • 18% say the word like “ahnt”
  • 9% say the word like “ain’t”
  • 73% say the word like “ant”
  • All of them pronounced the word like “ant” at some point during our conversation, possibly a reflection of the way I was saying it.
  • One women also spoke of “aunties,” pronounced like “ahnties”

Fortunately, as Goat points out to Pig in the comic strip, we’re not all shooting each other over this difference in how we say “aunt.” Continue reading →